sometimes i get really mad. sometimes i feel really great. sometimes i remember the past, sometimes i yearn for the future... what i am trying to do is make the present a better place, as it unfolds, with reference to the past and a path towards a brighter future. i have a dog. and a fancy phone and a guitar amp and apartment and all this stuff. i really just want to figure my shit out... i am going to go rock climbing and somehow i think that will solve more problems than buying shit.. mostly because i will get to get exercise make friends and get in shape... meeting cool people will help me feel at home in seattle.
 trying to not revert to smoking, trying to regulate drinking, meet more people, be positive..
i have noticed though that i have been habitually trying to make friends with the kind of people that TCM would define as 'earth' element people.. what i mean by that is, people who are cheery, happy, easy going, and conflict averse.. but i realize that just following TCM that leads to problems as i am a wood element kind of dude, and earth and wood are challenging to one another... i can see the dynamic play out as the earth people are easily offended by my perspective which is lean, analytical, divise and cutting sometimes- i also like to acknowledge the more challenging aspects of life as well as the happy parts.. i feel disingenuous when only acknowledging the positive.
also i feel like these happy sorts will NOT tell you when they disagree or are offended by something you say... so it gets to this point where i am falsely mirroring their 'positive' take on things while simultaneously offending them, and they are subtly trying to escape my presence.. or so my paranoid ideation would tell me.

the kind of people I should be seeking out are people who are empowered, smart, opinionated, edgy, and firey or watery.. according to that system. thinking back to the best friends ive had that characterization does make sense.
anyway, time to walk mr smart butt dog.